Sex Toys 101: Your Shame-free, Pleasure-forward Guide To The Best Tools for Solo & Partnered Play
What to buy, How to use them, and How to feel damn good doing it.
Hand up if you've ever felt awkward, sketched out, confused, or just totally lost walking into an erotica shop? Yeah… you’re definitely not alone. Pinky promise.
Fun Fact: I used to work in one! I’d always wanted to be an employee at an erotica shop and after diving into this genre of profession, I decided “there’s no time like the present to teach and sell sex to people.”
I’m thrilled you’re spending some time with me to learn more about you and your sexual appetite. So get curious because we’re diving into sex toys (aka sexual wellness products, pleasure assistants, sex tools and your next best lover), pleasure, and empowerment — right here in this juicy little pocket of sex ed. you definitely didn’t get in school.
A Very Brief History of Sex Toys (Because You Deserve to Know)
Contrary to the belief that sex products are a modern invention, they’ve been around since roughly 29,000 BC. In an article by Dr. Amie Dawson at TheToy, she outlines the evolution of sex products across time and culture — it’s a fascinating read.
Here’s a sexy little timeline:
29,000 BC: A phallic stone dildo makes its debut
500 BC: What we now call Ben Wa Balls begin circulating
1200s: The first recorded double-ended dildo appears
1734: The Tremoussoir (vibrator) emerges as a medical tool
1844: Rubber is discovered. Hello, condoms and cock rings!
1917: KY Jelly hits the scene
1977: Good Vibrations, the first sex-positive vibe shop, opens
1998: Sex and the City popularizes the Rabbit vibrator, making sex toys part of mainstream convo.
2004: LELO launches, introducing luxury, body-safe toys that are sleek, silent, and waterproof.
2007: OhMiBod drops the first iPod-compatible vibrator. How hot is it when music becomes orgasmic foreplay.
2011: Dame Products is founded, created by women to revolutionize sex toy design and sexual wellness access.
2014: Lioness releases a smart vibrator that tracks orgasmic patterns via biofeedback sensors.
2015: Sex tech makes its controversial debut at CES (Consumer Electronics Show) demanding space in the tech world.
2017: The rise of #SexPositive and #SelfPleasure across Instagram and podcasts fuels a new pleasure liberation era.
2019: Satisfyer and Womanizer bring air pulse tech to the mainstream. Let’s cue the “touchless orgasm” revolution.
2020: Pandemic lockdowns cause a global spike in sex toy sales and demand for remote-controlled intimacy tools.
2021: Teledildonics (app-controlled, Bluetooth toys) explode! Remote partners can now control your toy from anywhere. So hot!
2023: AI intimacy tools emerge: erotic chatbots, audio porn generators, and custom companions shift how we relate to desire.
2024: The sex tech industry hits $40 billion, with a rise in inclusive, trauma-informed, and queer-focused design.
Today: The adult toy industry is booming…projected to hit $62 billion by 2030 (Grand View Research)
So… Why Sex Toys?
It’s simple: Sexual wellness is a necessity.
People want to feel good. People want to understand their bodies and their pleasure. Most folks need a little (or a lot of) support in accessing their erotic potential. And honestly? Most of us got the bare minimum when it came to SexEd. — Looking at you, 45-minute study hall slideshow.
It’s no wonder I meet people who still think “vagina” refers to the whole vulva, or who don’t know the clitoris is actually a powerful internal network (with its own “lady balls” aka vestibular bulbs). Fun fact? The male prostate can be stimulated without even entering the butthole. Also… Yes, you really can lose it if you don’t use it. Pelvic muscles are muscles.
There is a desperate need for real, comprehensive (yes, that includes pleasure) sexual education. If I started a petition… would you sign it?
We can not expect to normalize the conversations, change the narrative, refine the stigmas and even correct the ignorances, if we don't create systems or curriculums to educate our society in the realm of sex and reproductive health, in its entirety.
An ignorant society is a harmful one. Let’s do better.
The Stigma Still Sucks
Sexual wellness products are still taboo, underregulated, and (in some states) restricted. Georgia’s obscenity laws still classify many products as “obscene” unless used for medical purposes and with a doctors sign-off. And in Texas? It’s illegal to own more than six sex toys per household. These laws are not new but they might be news since most people don’t pay attention to them until major events in our society happen to affect them.
Read that again.
This is why the work I do and the education I offer is essential. Sex doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care who you are, what you look like, or how much you know. It wants to know you and for you to know it. And your pleasure? It’s worthy. Always.
So no shame if your knowledge so far comes from what you’ve seen on Pornhub or OnlyFans. I’m not knocking on these platforms AND that’s what happens when access to sexual entertainment outweighs access to sexual education.
Pleasure is the Point
True sex education includes pleasure. That’s the part most traditional systems leave out…right alongside autonomy, consent, and curiosity.
In true Bri fashion, we’re centering all of the above. Let’s talk about what really happens when you incorporate toys aka “pleasure assistants” into your erotic world.
First, Your Brain Is Your Biggest Erogenous Zone
Pleasure starts in the mind. Creating enough safety and desire for the brain-crotch to turn on, is the pathway for the body to follow. We create the kind of circumstances that aid in both the mind and body coming online to be available and receptive to pleasure.
So… what comes up when you think about sex toys?
Do you feel shy? Excited? Ashamed? Curious?
Do you hide them? Use them solo? Share them with a partner?
Do you crave more but don’t know where to start?
Your relationship with toys (and the stories you carry about them) will directly impact your pleasure. We have to acknowledge our current story around these products before we can refine and rewrite it.
There are many reasons for why we may not be “in the mood” for sex or why our “sex drive feels nonexistent” or why we “don’t actually enjoy the sex we’re having.” All of them are valid and all of them have routes we can take toward our desired destination. I’m not saying that sex products will fix every single sexual issue, concern, desire etc. I’m saying that recognizing that utilizing these products can assist in you discovering more about your pleasure and learning what sensations create different routes to your sexual satisfaction which can help alleviate certain pain points for you and even your relationship when it comes to sex.
Finding Your Way: Beginner to Advanced
When it comes to figuring out what products are going to work best for your desired pleasure, you have to get curious about your WHY.
Do you want to create new and unexplored sensations?
Do you want to create a new experience between you and your lover?
Do you want to discover more about your pleasure?
Is there something about your current solo or partnered sex that is feeling off — painful, uncomfortable, not fully satisfying etc.
Are you simply wanting to try toys for the sake of understanding how they can assist you?
Getting clear is one major factor before diving in. Once you’ve got your “why” let’s break it down even further. There are three primary categories I see often in my work:
Beginners: New to toys, unsure where to start, easily overwhelmed by options
Intermediates: You’ve got some staple pieces and are ready to deepen your play
Advanced Players: You’re exploring your edges, collecting with intention, and looking for new, kinkier terrain
No matter where you fall, this guide’s got you mostly covered (If you want to dive further we can always hop on a call and chat it out).
Quick Checklist Before You Buy:
Material / Texture / Shape
Do you like it smooth? Ribbed? Veined? Glass or steel for temp play? Want something realistic or fantasy-based — hello tentacles! Or, for all my smut lovers, maybe you want to cosplay as Zade and pleasure her with a pew-pew dildo.
Function
What do you want the toy to do for you? Clit stimulation? P-spot massage? Confidence boost? Partner play? Kink exploration? Health benefit — yes sex wellness products don’t just aid in pleasure but also our ability to strengthen and stretch our capacity for the pleasure that we want. This is where dilators, rings, yoni eggs, weights, kegels, pumps etc. come into play.
Power Source
Rechargeable = eco-friendly but don’t lose the charger. Battery = convenient but less longevity. Non-motorized = underrated power.
Lube Compatibility
Rule of thumb: never use silicone lube on silicone products. (We’ll get into lube in another article.)
Size
Start small with anything new. Especially with penetration or anal play. Dilator kits are your bestie. Think about discretion, storage, and travel, too.
Waterproof, Water-Resistant, or Submersible?
There’s a difference. Water-resistant? Not great for squirting. Submersible? Great for bathtubs. Know before you go. (We’ll get deeper into this in a another article)
My Top Recommendations
Beginner Sex Toys
Simple, affordable, and perfect for learning what lights you up
Vulva: Bullet, Rabbit Vibe, Dildo
Penis: Manual Stroker, Sleeve, Fleshlight
Anal: Small Plug, Anal Beads
Partnered: Vibrating C-Rings, Tongue Vibes, Edible Lube, Wedges
Kink: Beginner Cuffs, Blindfold, Tickler
Intermediate Sex Toys
Stepping it up with multi-stimulation, upgraded materials, and longer play
Vulva: Suction Toys, Rideable Vibes, Advanced Rabbits
Penis: Vibrating Fleshlights, Pumps, Weighted C-Rings
Anal: P-Spot Plugs, Beaded Plugs, Vibrating Toys
Partnered: Wands, Straps, Bluetooth Vibes, Double-Ended Dildos
Kink: Nipple Clamps, Floggers, Collars, Gags
Advanced Sex Toys
You kinky little star, let’s go wild
Vulva: Pussy Pumps, Threesome Shafted Toys, Auto-Dildos
Penis: Metal Rings, Half-Bodies, Balldo, Auto-Fleshlights
Anal: Thrusting Plugs, Hooks, Gapers
Partnered: Sex Machines, Riders, VR Toys, Silicone Bodies
Kink: Electro Play, Shibari, Sounding Rods, Wax, Chastity Cages
Who’s Making What?
The industry of sex is bigger than you might think! Here’s a quick rundown of the big names in sex.
Major Conglomerates aka Parent Companies
These are the powerhouses behind multiple major brands. These companies own vast portfolios and dominate the market on a global scale.
Lovehoney Group / WOW Tech Group Brands: Womanizer, We-Vibe, Fifty Shades of Grey, Arcwave, Happy Rabbit
Lifestyles Healthcare Brands: LifeStyles Condoms, SKYN, Blowtex, Manix
Doc Johnson Enterprises: Known as the “Nike of Sex Toys” and has an ever-growing catalog from dildos to kink gear, all made in the USA
CalExotics: One of the largest and most diverse product lines in the industry, from beginner to pro-level toys
Pipedream Products: Market leader in novelties, dolls, and kink. Owns brands like Anal Fantasy and King Cock
Luxury Sex Toy Brands
Beautifully designed, high quality, often tech-integrated and body safe. These brands are redefining elegance in erotic wellness.
LELO: Swedish-designed, luxury vibes and accessories. Iconic for style, innovation, and discretion
Dame Products: Women-led, science-backed, inclusive designs for real bodies. This company is a legal advocate for sex equality
Je Joue: London based, known for sleek aesthetics and deep rumbly motors
Crave: “Jewelry-meets-pleasure” and famous for the Vesper vibrator necklace and daily wearable cuffs (I have some of these and they are a fun staple piece!)
Inclusive, Queer, and Community-Led Brands
These brands center diverse pleasure, gender inclusivity, and ethical manufacturing.
b-Vibe: Anal focused brand with educational content and inclusive design
Wildflower Sex: Queer-owned shop and brand known for non-gendered toys like the Enby
Unbound: Bold branding, playful designs, and a feminist take on everyday pleasure
Aneros: Market leader in prostate play…also known for intentional, gender expansive offerings
Sex Tech & Smart Toys
These innovators blend AI, data, and interactivity with pleasure.
We-Vibe: Bluetooth enabled couples toys with app control. The pioneers in remote intimacy
Lovense: Interactive, camera compatible toys with strong teledildonics integration
Lioness: Smart vibrator with biofeedback sensors for tracking orgasmic patterns
Kiiroo: Known for interactive male masturbators and device syncing with partner toys
OhMiBod: Music reactive and app-controlled toys. These are the OG in combining media + vibes
Kink, Fetish, & BDSM Brands
For the power players and sensation seekers.
Stockroom: Longtime leader in kink gear and leather goods. We love the professional grade equipment
Tantus: High quality silicone dildos, plugs, and strap-ons. These products are great for pegging and anal
Sinnovator: Hand-poured fantasy dildos which are famous for tentacle and “alien themed” designs
Fetish Fantasy Series by Pipedream: Intro-level BDSM gear, accessible pricing and wide availability
Retailers / Marketplaces
These platforms carry multiple brands and curate across categories.
Lovehoney: One of the world’s largest online adult retailers, UK based but global
PinkCherry: Popular North American retailer with a massive range of brands
Good Vibrations: Historic, sex-positive storefront and online shop with educational focus
Babeland: Feminist friendly, NYC born retailer now owned by Good Vibrations
From buying my first rabbit vibe from a Spencers in South Carolina to working at an erotica shop (Tokyo Valentino) in Atlanta, I know a few things about sex toys. I’m a proponent for this industry and I’d love to see us all refine the way we view and utilize these wellness products.
The industry of sex is a large scale, ever growing, innovating and important aspect of our society. It’s impact is only going to become more paramount as tech expands. Don’t get me started on AI and how that will influence the way we connect with ourselves and each other. (Okay maybe do get me started — more to come on this one!) We are already beginning to see the evolution of AI + human interaction with chat GPT, love-bot apps and other forms of teledildonics.
One of my favorite reminders for people who would come into the erotica shop looking for their tried and true or their brand new experience is “The product is not a replacement for connection or partnered interaction, it is simply a collaboration tool. It’s meant to enhance not compete.”
Sexual wellness is a part of our overall wellbeing. Don’t discount or discredit any opportunity for bettering yourself, remaining curious about yourself and utilizing products that will help you connect more deeply to yourself and your lover(s).
I’m curious. What else would you like to know about the sexual wellness industry? Any topics within this article that peaked your interest? Let me know in the comments and if I should do a series!