Go F*ck Yourself!

Happy Masturbation May!

I think there is something about leaning into your eroticism that is really poetic. It’s like a love story between you and your body and this part of you that is interwoven into everything.

I remember being scared to let these parts of me show. I used to play really coy and aloof to my desires and let people believe that I was this cutesy, naive, sexually inexperienced person, because I thought that made me seem mysterious or want-able or teachable or more “lady-like”. — Honestly how silly and yet i’ll hold that version of me with loads of love.

Truthfully, I’ve known my erotic nature since I was very young. I knew that certain areas on my body felt pleasureful, even if I didn’t have the language for that, and I allowed myself (albeit in secret) to explore my body and what felt good.

I remember being caught by my mom, humping my teddy bear, fully naked. I was so embarrassed that I jumped off of it so fast and pretended I was sleeping. Imagining that right now makes me laugh so hard. Clearly I’d been caught and clearly she saw me and I saw her see me. I digress.

Fast forward to now — I’m a sexual educator and couples coach, I spend my days talking to people about their pleasure, their love lives, how they connect to themselves and others and how to create the most deliciously turned-on life! With it being Masturbation May (and my birth month…how fun!), it felt fitting to touch on this topic and what that looks like inside of relationship.

Some common fear-based questions around this type of self-pleasure are:

• Is it okay and even allowed?

• Does it mean I’m not enough for my partner?

• Is it wrong to think of other things/people than my partner?

• Is there a parameter for what is healthy masturbation?

• Is it bad if I can only get off when I masturbate?

Because i’m sure many of us grew up with the conditioning that anything sexually related should be done in private, when you’re old enough, and with someone who loves you or with your spouse. Along with the indoctrination that porn is bad, sex out of wedlock is a sin, therefore bad, that it’s not appropriate to touch yourself and that these aren’t acceptable conversations, therefore bad — honestly the list could go on, but i’d rather not spend this article pissing myself off.

As an advocate for SexEd, which includes the conversation of pleasure, It’s always a fun topic to dive into. So let’s do that!